At 40!!

Imagine this….A cold December night…a bunch of friends for life, sipping hot tea (or whatever drink that is perceived as “hot”, I am teetotaler and l love tea, hence that is the only hot drink that comes to my mind), sitting around a bon fire, in a desert on a sand dune, a full moon smiling in its resplendent glory, laughing their hearts out at the stupid things that they did, and generally having a great time!! Even if I just share this thought with my pals, whose acquaintance to just friends to great friends over a span of 16 years, they would instantly set the plan rolling out, and an avalanche of mails would be exchanged, before the very idea would die down because of lack of time for each one of us, office pressures, no leaves, pressing family issues, small kids, EMIs… the list goes on!! Many such ideas have surfaced, evoked much response, but have never gone beyond the discussion stage, mainly because of the petty problems mentioned before. 

Hence, I have put a target to myself, that at the age of 40 I should be sufficiently equipped with all the boxes ticked, so that I can embark of few such journeys! Why 40? I feel that’s the age when you would be sufficiently pocket heavy, not too old for a trek, would have less pressing family issues, (yes office would be an issue…but I really wish I would be able to take a sabbatical from this mundane life) etc. If we are lucky enough we may be able to do this even before, but I guess, by and large around the age of 40 this should be achievable. However, just like Tom Hanks so beautifully says in Forrest Gump, “Life is a box of chocolates, you never know what you get, when you open one!!”, who knows, all the predictions of this end of Mayan calendar signaling the end of mankind, may come true, and we may not even be present to celebrate the new year!! Barring calamities, it should be possible to achieve this on a regular basis every year starting from 40, if it’s before that age, it would be awesome, but somehow I feel 40 is the right age. 

With few pals of mine, who from being casual acquaintances have grown over to being a part of my life, who have been with me through thick and thin, would feature in most of these trips. Ideally I would like to have at least one all men trip every year (once in 6 months would be splendid, but unrealistic!!). Since the fairer genders of our respective families have grown to be quite a company together, I also expect them to feature in the couple of trips with the families as well. Ideally, the all men trip should feature one small trek, a grand dinner and at least one “sitting” session in the open, under the full moonlight. Bring in the women, and the small trek would be in a shopping mall, a “sitting” session would be, waiting in the lounge for the women while they shop endlessly, the grand dinner would be monitored for the extra servings of the paneer, or the dessert that we take (It’s all out of their love and concerns for our health, that they do this, nothing against the women in our lives!!). Hence, it is better to compartmentalize things in life, so that you are sure of what to expect and what not to expect!

I sincerely wish that I would be able to succeed in embarking this trip at least once after 40, because ZNMD!!!

A[V]I

Note : Just as I was writing this, I thought some serious application software developers could come up with a Trip Planner software, akin to MPP which is more commonly used, I would give my start and end date for the trip, my desired destinations, my budget and the software would plan out my itinerary the ideal places to visit, my accommodation. I am not an up to date software geek, hence not sure, if someone has already written such a planner. But if nobody has written it, I hope someone who gets to read this blog, strikes an idea and develops one such software, probably patent it one day!!!

My Wish Granted!!

God always has HIS ways of granting a wish, as long as the end objective is achieved, you should be happy!! I learnt this the hard way and after that incident I thought to myself, I better be careful in wording my wishes even to GOD!!! 

So it was early Feb 2005, chilly weather all round and as usual, I was in one of those slogging sessions at my work place. I was in the firmware development team, and we had to get an AIRCRAFT SIMULATOR model, up and running, in time for the AERO INDIA 2005. Some gyaan, on the AIRCRAFT SIMULATOR, for those who have little exposure to such highly sophisticated machinery. This is an exact replica of the cockpit of any fighter aircraft (ours was a replica of SuryaKiran fighter aircraft). The course of the flight as he simulates the run gets displayed on the screen right in front of him, so that he can actually feel the working on the controls at his hands. The real flight situations are simulated with all the gadgets displaying actual values on the panel in the front of the pilot. The control stick is mounted in the cockpit for the pilot so that he gets the basics of flying, right, before he tests his skills in air. This whole simulator is mounted on a motion platform, which would give the feel of the flying in the actual cockpit. Wow!! Cool!!! This was the general response that I got from everyone I spoke to, about my nature of work in those days. But believe me; the terminology “rocket science” is not used just for the heck of it. Just to make the simulator, feel like a real cockpit, all the untouched parts of my brain were rattled to find the answers during the design and development phase of the product. Think of a real fighter aircraft, where everything has to work perfectly, and every time; with pin point accuracy!! No wonder “rocket science” is the buzz word used in the software industry, when anyone speaks about the complexity of the software being developed. 

Coming back to ground, the team had been slogging it out for the past one month, and the day before we could send the SIMULATOR to the exhibition, we were once again in a night out situation!! Nothing new to me, by then I was a seasoned night out champion!! At dawn, when the simulator was ready, it was transported to the YELAHANKA AIR FORCE Base station for the Aero India 2005. Since we were a part of the exhibitors, few of my colleagues including me, had got the exhibitors pass, which meant that we could roam around any stall in the entire exhibition area, not to forget the air show display, on each of the five days, for which the event was very popular for. 

Since, we had slogged our hearts out for about a month or so, we had got a break of 5 days after the exhibition. Respite from the regular verbal bashing from the CTO for the integration issues, inconsistency issues etc. Just as the break was about to get over on a Saturday, I just wished that it would have been great if I get a chance to extend this break!! My wish was timed so perfectly that it landed perfectly in the just then cleaned ears of the GOD, who probably smiled and said, “Vatsa asthu!!!” 

As it turned out, myself and Pinky (Anup S, my engineering project mate), were going to Pradeep’s house on that Saturday evening, and just near a signal after the Vijayanagar bus stop, an auto (probably GOD SENT ;)), rammed into the bike which pinky was riding and I was sitting pillion. My left ankle got crushed between the front wheel of the auto and foot rest of his bike. Pinky had bruised arms and when I tried to get up from the fall, I realized that my left foot and my left leg were at obtuse angles to each other :)!!! I had fractured my ankle badly, and till date I can’t believe that we two actually got up and went all the way to Pradeeps house on the same bike. Pradeep who was petrified learning about the accident, insisted that we rush to an orthopedic surgeon immediately. 

“This needs to be operated immediately, your ankle is broken”, is what the doctor said. For someone who had not gone under the knife until that time, in his entire life span, it was not exactly a shocker, but definitely something which was difficult to digest. That was something I was totally unprepared for, and the first thing I asked him was to wrap me in plaster and send me home, and I would get the needful done. 

So for the first time in life, I entered my house, a big plaster from knee all the way down to my feet, holding pradeep and pinky for support on either side. A more than concerned mom and granny :), who had never in their life seen me in that state, just could not speak anything.  Words of assurance that I was ok, pacified them a bit, also the fact that before going home, I had consulted our family doctor who suggested that I meet Dr Sanjay Pai, an orthopedic surgeon of noted reputation gave them some relief. 

“Ya we will operate it, he should be able to walk in 3 days” said the surgeon!! There I was on a Sunday evening, on the operation table, under the knife for the first time in my life. The anesthetic that was given to the spine, had just begun to take effect, when I could feel the scalpel tear through my skin near the ankle.  Probably because of the effect of the local anesthesia, I started to feel sleepy, and when I woke up, the first person I saw was my mother with a concerned look on her face, just to check if I was alright :) I just smiled and said, I was fine, and din’t feel any pain whatsoever. Little did I know that once the effect of anesthesia subsides, the pain would be unbearable. 

That night I must confess, must have been the most painful night, I have ever spent in my life. I could hardly lift my left leg, and since it was tightly bandaged, the pain was indescribable. Even to turn to the side, I had to call in the nurse to lift my leg, as it felt so heavy. The pain shooting up every 5 mins, made me cry, well, almost!!!  “Mard ko dard nahi hotha”. But, the searing pain came back to haunt me time and again, every night. My daily routine was to eat breakfast, read some book, have lunch, read some book, drink tea with some biscuits, read some book and finally have dinner, then try to sleep. The initial few days were frustrating, when all that I could do apart from reading, was stare at the wall opposite to my bed and read the poster which said “Smile, things will improve!!”.  However, there was an unwelcome change on the 4^th day, when the nurse came in with a walker, smiled and said, “come we will go for a walk!!”. That sentence scared the daylights out of me, and I could not even run away from there :) Till that time, keeping the leg horizontal and moving it around on the bed itself was a herculean task. How would I put my weight on that leg and walk!!! The nurse would not relent, and believe me, when I put my leg on the ground and put my left foot forward, I screamed :) and few more steps and I could not take it anymore. I limped back single foot back to my bed.  I started lamenting that in future I would never be able to run, never be able to bowl, never be able to trek.. all the list of “nevers” came in front of my eyes, when the doctor, came in and asked, “how was your walk, my friend :)?” “Very adventurous” was my reply. Looking at my detested look, he said, “I promise you, another 2 months you will be able to run and even play football, leave alone cricket!!”

His words ringing in my ears, I spent the next one month in my home :).  I got all the princely treatment, (though I must confess, children are always princes or princesses to their mothers, whatever age they may be, the love remains the same) and in some strange way, GOD had granted my wish, the end objective was achieved!! I had asked for a break, and I had got it. Two 3 inch long screws with couple of pins to hold those two screws were embedded in my left ankle. The pain reducing with each passing day,I was able to walk with a limp after 4 weeks, and was able to walk freely thereafter.  And yes, after 3 months, I was indeed trekking in the caves of Ulavi, near Dandeli. 

Both the doctor and GOD had kept their promise!!!

A[V]I

93 Hours

In an entire floor capable of seating 150 odd employees, lights were burning above the only cubicle in which work was going on in a frantic pace. Scrambled hair, stubble that had begun to look like a beard, blood red eyes, the shirts tucked in shabbily, the face red with all the exhaustion - the above description befitting the 3 engineers sitting around 1 engineer who was gazing at the computer screen like a zombie, breaking their heads to resolve the issue. Any outsider, who would have seen any of them in their avatar, would have recommended their names for the role of “Saamri”or “Shakaal” in the next Ramsay movie.  These engineers would have fit to the role perfectly, even without the “necessary” make up. The barely visible wall clock on the opposite wall was showing 4:00 am and it was the fourth time in that week that those four engineers had seen that time on that clock, in that office :) 

The Project Leader, sitting at a distance, biting his nails, having given his fate in the hands of his four trusted soldiers, helplessly looking at his team, hoping to get the answer from at least someone in the team. His expectations, from giving a world class product within 4 months, had reduced to just ship the product if it worked fine. 

After 2 hours of discussion, the team arrived a seemingly possible solution, and implemented it in half an hour. At the stoke of 6:30 in the morning, the code was compiled and when the “RUN” button was pressed, the wide grin that was there on all the faces initially, turned to a smile and finally ended in a frown. The Project Leader was still grinning though :), unaware that the problem had manifested itself into something more complex. 

The first engineer exclaimed, “How the hell this thing became so slow!!”, the second one, “I give up guys!!, I can’t think even a minute more”,  the third one, “I just hope this thing works, and I swear by almighty, I would never enter such a project”, the Project Leader realizing that the fix dint work eventually, had to say something to up the ante, but was lost for words when the fourth one who was sitting in front of the comp said, “ha ha I knew this would happen!!” The three engineers and PL ready to butcher the fourth one, spanked him on his back. The full vocabulary always comes out in its full glory, only in the mother tongue. Here is the last line what they said. “Abey saale agar pata tha, toh pehle kyon nahi bataya?”, the fourth engineer who dint get the opportunity to break the rhythm of their verbal assault, finally found something to reply to this last line. He said, “agar pehle bataya hotha toh pehle hi maar khaana padtha tha na :)”. I know that was the most stupid answer that anyone could give, but that lightened the moment, and such humor tonic was most necessary at such pressure situations. The fourth engineer was ME, the happy Joe of the team. Not a cool dude, who solved all the problems in a jiffy, but definitely a lot calmer than the rest in the team and was able to deliver one-liners at the drop of a hat. Yes, I was working hard, or rather slogging, but I always had this comic timing, that I used to come up with something hilarious in the weirdest circumstances, that was very popular in the team as well. I still had that strange stupid attitude that things will work only when they are supposed to work

The above episode was during final integration of the software into the product, the project schedule crammed into 4 months duration. The result; the final one week within a span of 5 days from Monday morning 8 am to Friday evening 5 pm, the entire team including the Project Leader(the poor soul was the only married person in the team, and worse still, he had got married couple of months back) had managed to hit 93 hours!! 20 hours on the first three days of the week, and the 4^th stretch was a 33 hour marathon!! 

It all started on the Monday of that fateful week, when we started the software integration of the different modules. Initial glitches, to patch up, took some time, and hence was a cause of concern. Until that last week, the general time at which the team left office was around 11:45 pm. However, as everyone had expected this eventuality, we knew that we would sit late even beyond midnight. As the issues began to increase, we started realizing that more time needs to be put to resolve the mounting issues. Things weren’t that bad, and by 4 am on Tuesday morning, we could get the fully integrated code running, as a first cut version; albeit with lot of inconsistencies. 

The progress on Tuesday and Wednesday, each day consuming 20 hours of time, for resolving the inconsistencies in the software developed, was not at optimum speed. The reason being that, during the 72 hours on Mon, Tue and Wed, we had spent 60 hours working. Hence, everything starting from leaving office at 4 in the morning, taking a nap (or rather fooling the body to believe that it is getting rest), having breakfast, and coming back to office all had to be covered in a span of 4 hours on each day. It was shame to expect that our body and mind would be able to perform. However, we continued to toil hard.

Barring one inconsistency issue, we were almost ready to ship the product. As goes the saying that the final stretch is the most difficult, that issue had become a pain in the a** for the team. Experts within the company, and the experts from the silicon vendor were consulted, however the bug would not budge. It took careful analysis from the entire team of the project, and a marathon 33 hour nonstop slog to slay the bug.  The product was thoroughly tested for one last time and delivered to the dispatch department at 5pm on Friday. The product shipped to the customer, on the promised day!! Phew!!!

Even to this date, I can’t believe I put in so many hours of work in one week. Guys in the IT Services Industry (with due respects to others slogging in other industries) are known to slog for such crazy hours. It’s inhuman to expect people to perform at the same level of consistency for longer hours. The mind just blanks out and to think about the solution of even a simple problem, takes such a long time. It’s okay if one person has slogged for that long, he would always have someone or the other in the team who is alert and would be able to correct the mistake just in time, however, if the entire team is clocking close to 90 hours, then the mess is indescribable. The burning eyes, with each blink giving a feel that 100 pins are piercing into them, refuse to co-operate any further.  Add to that, the disrupted biological clock, cries to deaf ears. Was it worth the effort? For the company, yes, it was. The product was developed from scratch, right from the concept to prototype, in 4 months flat (Europeans would laugh their heart out, if they hear that the product was shipped in 4 months!!, they take 4 months to derive the specs of the product)!! It was a roaring success with not even a single failure in its pilot run. The overwhelmed customers, amazed at the speed of work, continued to pour in additional work in terms of projects. What about the fate of the team that did this entire miracle? The Project Leader of the project quit the company as soon as the project was complete. The team of 4 was dismantled and was allotted as resources to slog away at other projects. The reputation of the company to produce products real quick, which work and work really well, was intact. Those four engineers and Project Leader, who almost kissed the feet of the almighty during this execution of the project, were chided badly from their peers for having completed the project so successfully!! The chiding from the peers was quite natural, because it would always be perceived by the management that 4 months was lot of time, and hence the future projects could have still shorter schedules!! It would be expected that the teams perform miracles on a daily basis!

The above was the episode of my first project at the medical division in an Embedded IT Services firm. Although the Project Manager, assured us of taking care of the schedule in future projects, I guess that was all that he could do. In the retrospect, what is the fate of the people, who are made to work as if their life is depended on the success of the project? Some, who feel they are indebted to the company for having given them a livelihood, brush aside their personal pressing worries under the carpet, continue to ignore personal life, and work in the hope that their life would change after they complete that “one high priority project” and get the rewards, recognition for all that they sacrificed on personal grounds. If by chance, the project becomes a success, which is a miracle in itself, then these work horses are spared. But miracles do not happen on a daily basis, do they? God forbid if the project bombs, then a near death sentence would be issued to the entire team, and the PL would be crucified morally. Even in the case of the success of the project, the appreciation that is always received at the highest level of the hierarchy, gets diluted down the hierarchy, and the by the team it reaches the Project Leader and his team, the perceived significance of the project almost turns out to be a farce. The appreciative words, are carefully interwoven with words of caution, which always mean to say that the team dint do anything special after all, and it was expected of them to do what they did. 

I have moved on in life, left that company for good. I am not a policy maker, who can define rules. Neither have I had the power, nor the authority to ensure that the policies are in place that would help employees in these firms feel they are humans. Surely there must be a way out of this whirlpool.  I wish the day doesn’t come when our kids remember us through our Skype ID, and a smiley on the chat messenger is the only way we smile at our kids. Our kids deserve better parents!!

A[V]I

Honeymooners!

Era: June 1996 - Dec 1996

For all the slogging that we did during our II PU days, GOD took pity on we kids, and gave us a generous break from the monotony, called studies. Because of some issues with the CET cell with regard to allotment of seats or for whatever reason, our supposed counseling  for the seat selection for the professional courses in engineering and medicine that was supposed to be completed by end of July stretched itself to first week of November. By the time our classes for the 1st semester started which was during mid-December, I had almost forgotten that I was a science literate!! All the guys in that group, I am sure, at that time, would never forget those 6 months, and hence, myself included, will call them Honeymooners simply because of the kind of lifestyle that we led. 

Here they are: Dulla, Bhu, Shashi, JP, LP, SP, Guru, Ravi, CC and I.

6 months of care free life, almost bordering on being worthless, loafing around like an aimless donkey, generally looking for opportunities for killing time. It was during this time, there was an idea that was floating around that we could work part time and earn some money. Suddenly, at least of some my batch mates started thinking about making a fortune out of working part time; at least earn enough money to pay the fees of the professional courses. With respect to matters of the world, generally the age from 16 to 19, is perceived to be as the one where you have a blank between your ears. The evidence coming from the fact that, for some of them, this idea snowballed itself into being a very practical and attractive way to kill time and earn money in the process. Hence few of them took the matter to their respective head of the houses, who I guess, either due to realization of the pit fall in the whole idea, or were hurt in their ego, quickly dowsed the fire. In my case, it never reached my father, because this idea just floated around my ears and never entered my head through it :). My justification; we had a whole life to slog and work and we would never get any chance of a 6 month break during the professional life, unless of course we remained jobless for a certain length of time. However, that kind of break while working would never be enjoyable, as there would be certain amount of uncertainty, anxiety about the future, during the break.

What was certain about this break, in that case for me? Almost all the honeymooners mostly from MES College and KLE College were absolutely certain about the course that they would take in engineering. It would be Computer Science and nothing less would do. Only two of us dint like engineering. One was an white apron aspirant(Bhu, now Dr. Bhu), and he was absolutely certain that he would want to become a doctor, and hence it was only fair that he dint take a liking for engineering. The second one was.. of course, ME. For me, only one thing was certain; I did not want to become a doctor :). I had always thought I could work my way out of any situation, logically. Hence, I believed that by being certain about all the things that I did not want to do, I would eventually end up scoring out all the unwanted option, and the only option that would be left, would act as the option that would be most certain option that I would take up. I dint have any particular interest in any stream of engineering, and this distaste helped me to be a lot less anxious about what I would do in my professional life. I dint have an aim in the first place, something which was fueled by my inner voice, which constantly said, there was nothing wrong in being aimless in life. Hence, any engineering course in Bangalore would be okay for me. I was absolutely sure that, all my well-wishers, would coax/threaten/push me into taking something which would help earn a decent living.

Right from the day after we completed the CET, we had a set schedule for killing time. No wonder, the day used to start and end with cricket!! So, since it was still summer, our day used to start as early as 6:30 in the morning. After a tiring session of 3 hours of playing cricket, we used to head back home at around 9:30, gulp in whatever was available, get freshened up and then head to our temporary abode, the sanctum sanctorum of our time pass during those days; Madhu’s House(who is dearly called Dulla, even to this date). His room was located outside the main building and since the access to his room was no way inconvenient to other parts of his house, the place was always bustling with activity (read constant banter, and sound of the striker hitting the corners of the carrom board). This carrom board was always the center of attraction, and constantly had 4 people prying for place to get access to play the next round. The place had become reminiscent of our lifestyle; so much so that the first place that would come to mind when we wanted to meet or go out together, was Madhus house. Playing carrom was continued way into the afternoon, when at around 2 or 230 pm we used to disperse for lunch. Watching the highlights of any cricket match, which was telecast on Star TV was my sole companion while having lunch at home; the reason, my mother was fed up of my brash food habits and hence had stopped waiting for me for lunch. Time for a quick nap, deservingly so...for all the hard work that I had done during the day!! Wake up time was never fixed, but definitely used to be before dad came back from office, which would be around 6. One more visit to the sanctum santorum, a general banter about how our life was getting screwed because of CET issue as our results were getting delayed, quickly the topic used to change to more comforting ones like.. (what the heck would boys aged around 17 discuss about? I don’t even care to answer this.. everyone knows!!, because everyone who would be reading this post, would have passed that phase of life…and I am very sure there would be no readers under the age of 17 for my blog :)). During this banter we would have snacked at the local chat center, had a cup of juice and would be seated on the stone bench in a nearby ground. Time had lost its value, and when the guys in the uniform during their patrol in the neighborhood, started to pause looking at our group in the ground, it was time to head back home. 

Our life had hit that routine until the CET results were out, and my MEDICAL stream ranking, endorsed my certainty about not being a doctor :). However, the rank for the ENGINEERING stream was a bit dodgy. Anxious moments for the parents who had dreamt of their son, hanging the nayi patti (the ID tag worn by the software engineers) around his neck, speaking the lingo they have never heard of, wishing them good bye every time he travels to Uncle SAMs country for an onsite assignment etc etc. In such situations of life changing capabilities, I always took and even to date take the philosophical stand. No amount of worry would change my rank, and it was something of the past. I thought, I will cross the bridge when I come to it. To give the impression to the family, that we were a concerned lot and serious about our future, we had decided to take a break from this routine on the weekends , just to catch up with the family. Not that the family was craving for our attention, but to give an impression to the head of the house that we had not become a vagabond who had joined bad company, and also give them a sense of assurance that their son had not gone out of control (to put it in local lingo, “huduga kai bitt hogbittidane anno feeling barbaardhu antha”).

Almost all the honeymooners were more than capable of playing cricket, and somewhere during the month of September, one of the honeymooner (Shashi kiran) introduced us to his friends Sucheth and Rajiv who also shared the same interest as us!! What more, a lip-smacking prospect of playing cricket match daily, with another group was on offer. The venue, Milk Colony Grounds, had a center pitch that would be almost free daily at around 3 pm. The intensity of the cricket played would put even the Ind-Pak matches to shame. Our life had got a purpose :), at least for those few months. We practiced intensely before the games, and there was a neutral umpire as well to make sure the game was played fair. Score books were maintained religiously and for this never ending cricket series, we always had the urge to go 1 up. Since, both the teams were equally competent, it was always a cat and mouse game. Foreign recruits (read acquaintances who were very proven performers in terms of blasting sixes, not part of both the groups) also featured regularly in both the teams. I can remember a few; Ananth RB, Kiran U, Makrand, Ranjan. Barring Ananth, all the others were playing for our opponent’s team. 15 over matches were the norm, and it was until late evening that we used to play. Triumphs were celebrated either at Ganesh fruit juice center or Sagar Fast food or sometimes at both the places if the victory was a hard earned one. Discussions were made about what went wrong, and improvement areas, so much for the professionalism. Of course 5 to 10 mins discussions about how CET had continued to screw our lives, also featured, almost only as a ritual, than something which needed some serious thinking and also by that time almost all of them had this feeling “I will cross the bridge when I come to it.”

6 months passed like a dream and I am very happy and thankful to god for giving me such a wonderful opportunity, which I am sure not many guys would get during their lifetime as students. Whenever I think of a break, this 6 month period was a blessing that all the students of that batch received. I am sure, all of them would have something similar to share, and smile about it and with a sigh say…“Jaane kahan gaye woh din…”. Probably a melancholy tune this time!!

A[V]I

Note : Almost all the honeymooners are now successful doctors, entrepreneurs, software architects, design engineers spread far and wide across the globe, and I am putting their names in full, with the hope that anyone who searches their names in Google, would end up reading this blog as well ;)

CAST

Dulla – Madhu Bolisetty

Bhu – Dr. Prabhu Nesargikar

Shashi – Shashi Kiran N

JP – Pramod Jayaram

LP – Prashanth Lakshmikanth

SP – Santosh Prakash

Guru – Guruprasad T.G

Ravi – Ravishankar N

CC – Chetan P Srivatsa